Perhaps some of you reading this may not feel comfortable with the word God. Maybe God is just not part of your belief system. Yet, if you are reading this post, then it’s not an accident. Please read on because I invite you to replace the word God with the universe, destiny, fate, or a higher power.
Maybe you experience that no matter what you do, you find yourself hitting against this invisible force, and you just can’t seem to win. Or perhaps you feel abandoned by the universe and you have to fend for yourself. Others seem to have it easy but you just seem to be among the less fortunate.
Smoke and mirrors: The ego’s most clever tool
The ego mind fragments our perception so we see many reasons to feel angry or upset. It is like smoke and mirrors so we keep trying desperately to heal a situation or multiple issues which seem to be outside of us when the problem is actually within our own minds.
Yet, even the act of turning within can feel like stepping into a mine field. How does one look at anger without getting burned?
We are here to watch our minds and not engage in a witch-hunt
The ego mind can easily turn this self-inquiry into a witch-hunt. Yet we are here to watch and observe, trusting the Beloved within to guide us to see what we need to see. This needs courage, a steadfast devotion to healing our minds, along with a stance of a gentle warrior.
The ego does not want us to see that the problem underneath our upsets is this deeply buried anger at God. When we view our world through the ego lens, we feel the way we perceive is 100% right. Not only that, we often defend our perspective and try to convince others how right we are. It is like we are toddlers having a temper tantrum.
The ego’s voice can be quite loud and convincing because it racks up evidence against us ( or against someone else) – much like a prosecutor at a criminal defense hearing. Through the ego lens, if we are turning our anger inwards, then all of our life events are judged to be a string of failures. Either we are guilty or someone else is guilty of somehow holding us back. There is no where for us to go: either we explode this anger onto others or we silently implode– living lives of quiet desperation, in survival mentality, never truly shining and sharing our gifts. Furthermore, underneath this rage is a sense of utter abandonment. There is no hope that we can ever be healed because we are unworthy. So, we best keep ourselves small, hiding in the darkness of the caverns of our unhealed mind because we simply don’t deserve love.
The power of joining invites a miracle
Here is where we need to join with our mighty companions, and invite the presence of the Beloved, the Inner Teacher, the Inner Healer – to be with us. We cannot and need not do this alone. And, we have to be willing to acknowledge that what we truly need- despite what our outer circumstances may appear to be- is a miracle, a shift within the mind that allows a new way to relate to our experience through the lens of nonjudgmental awareness and acceptance rather than self- condemnation or judgment of others.
Indra’s Net
On Day 3 of this 7 day journey of healing through anger, I shared about Indra’s Net: a metaphor from ancient India where the world can be understood as a net woven by the great Hindu god Indra- a net that is infinite and extends in all directions with no beginning and no end. At each node of the net, there is a beautiful multifaceted jewel that reflects every other jewel which are infinite in number. No jewel exists by itself independent of the rest; everything is related to everything else and nothing is isolated.
Imagine, if one of the jewels felt that it was not enough because it experienced itself as having less light than the other jewels. But if we were to step back and see the whole net, we would know that each jewel not only shines brightly but actually reflects the light from the other jewels, which do the same. And this continues infinitely! So it is impossible for this light to ever go out or be less than or more than any other.
If we are feeling anger because we feel somehow denied by someone or by God ( it does not matter), we have to be willing to admit that we must be wrong in our perception – not how we feel. Our feelings are always what they are in the moment. We accept ourselves where we are fully. We are not trying to suppress any emotions.
However, because we want healing, we want to see our lives differently. And Indra’s net shows us that every jewel is reflected in every other. There is no difference. There is no separation because we are each the same no matter what our outer appearances or life path may seem to be. And our light, worth, and value is inherent to us just like each jewel is lit up from within. Only then can they reflect light from each other.
How can we apply this in a practical way to our lives
For me the image of Indra’s net lifted me out of my linear and logical thinking into a stance of being open, even curious to look at my relationship with anger in a new, fresh way.
- Accepting whatever I am feeling in the moment ( anger, sadness, fear, etc.)
- Taking responsibility for my state of mind ( not from a space of guilt or self-judgment but because I want peace and healing.)
- Stepping back from what seems to be happening on the screen outside to gently watching what is happening within my mind and heart.
- Asking for help from the Beloved.
- Joining with mighty companions as it feels guided.
- Spending time in journaling, reading something that feels inspired, or doing something physical like taking a walk, cooking, or cleaning.
- Being willing to be wrong about how I see a situation so the Beloved can give me a retranslation- a new way to relate to the experience before me. This is essence is the miracle- the shift within the mind away from fear, judgment, and resistance and towards acceptance and love.
- Being willing to be present to even uncomfortable emotions within the mind without pushing it away or trying to fix anything or anyone outside. Watching the mind when it does want to do this!
- Being gentle with myself, knowing I am doing the best I can with the awareness I have.
- Knowing that underneath this upset, I am asking for healing, for love, for peace of mind.
- Asking myself if my desire is truly for peace and happiness or do I want to be right. Asking myself this question as many times as needed!
How can we look at anger at God in a light way, through a lens of humor and play?
If you feel inspired, consider reading my post about the movie, Bruce Almighty, which can help the mind engage with this whole issue of anger in light and humorous way.
The lead character, Bruce, played by Jim Carey, is angry at living at what he feels is a ‘mediocre life.’ His current job- as a TV reporter where he shares stories that make people laugh- as well as Grace, his loving, devoted girlfriend (Jennifer Aniston)- are simply not enough. He wants more- a better job, a luxury car, and a different apartment. When a rival colleague is selected for a coveted head anchor position, Bruce has a meltdown while filming a live story which gets him fired. When Grace tries to console him, he becomes more angry- believing that God not only hates him but is deliberately not answering his prayers. Bruce’s anger eventually leads him to God (portrayed by Morgan Freeman).
You can read the rest of the post (which I wrote as part 4 of the anger series some time back) here. Perhaps this can help you gain even more insights on this very important block to enjoying the love and peace that is our birthright.
Zoom online group meeting and registration
Perhaps you would like to connect live and meet with other mighty companions from all over the world who are also feeling inspired to deeply look at their relationship to anger. You can sign up to join for our zoom circle being held on Thursday April 30th at 11am EDT. We will join in healing, sharing our experiences, and gather for meditation/prayer as well. I know it will be a heart-opening and healing session for us all!
To reserve your spot, please send payment for $20 here. Once I receive your payment, I will add you to the list of participants and you will receive the zoom details the night before the online gathering.
If you prefer to pay via check, you can make it payable to Seema Khaneja and mail to PO Box 18373, Rochester, NY 14618. Let me know you plan to do this so I can add your list to the participant list.
If you feel inspired to attend the online gathering but need some financial help, there are some scholarships available so please email me soon so we can secure your spot. Also, if you feel inspired to pay-it-forward, and sponsor someone to attend who might not be able to attend otherwise, please let me know as well.
Thank you for those that have already registered. Thank you to those who also have offered to support another beloved brother or sister to attend.
I am so looking forward to ‘seeing’ you all on Thursday!
